I'm not sure what has recently brought this back to my attention? Or why it bothers me so, and has for quite some time? The issue at hand is divorce. Those of you who know me, also know that my parents are divorced. They have been for 17 years. Since i was 2 years old. I don't reall notice it much or see it as much of a problem, as it has been that way for most of my life. It is "normal" to me. I have even been able to use the demographics of my family for my benefit at times. I don't understand if someone feels that they have to give me pitty. I'm happy. My parents love me. I have a fairly normal relationship with both, and any unnormalness is not due to the divorce, but due possible issues at hand.
Back to the main issue in this post... it is not necessarily divorce itself, but the terms used to describe it. "Broken" vs. "Intact" families. "Broken" meaning divorced. I'm sorry, but i dont understand what is so broken about my family. As far as i am concerned, we are more of a faimly then some of the so called "intact" families. Broken is seen as such a negative word, actually, so is divorce when you get right down to it. But it does not have to be. For the most part, a divorce is a good thing, and should be though upon positivly. Or would you rather live in a home where your parents continually fight and bicker. Or in extreem cases, continue to live in an abusive household. For those in the latter households especially, divorce should be looked at as freedom and peace at last.
So I guess the summary of this babble, is that I am not broken, nor is my family, please don't refer to us as broken. We are just as "intact" as the next family. We love each other and take care of each other, and we come together when it matters most.
I don't mean to insult anyone, or their family by this babble, I just mean to put fourth the issue in my head.
Comments
11:44 pm | 27 November 2003Laura
Oh Maria, Kelly had me worried about this after the survey (intact was her word, right?) I've never really talked to you about it, but I agree that the wording is shitty- again, the while idea that the nuclear family is the ideal family in our society. (Damn industrialisation!) On an anthropology note, there are many examples of these "families" that have a very different form: extended families, childless families, families with more than one wife (or husband, why is that more rare?;) and our new addition of the same-sex family. (not exactly what you were thinking of, but a point).
And I agree, you are more of a family than some "intact" ones are. It's not the definition, but the relationships between people that make us part of a family. You know those people, friends of your parents or something, but you call them Aunt and Uncle anyway? These people have no actual kin relation to us, yet we consider them close enough to be our relatives.
Love and care, that is what matter's most. I agree with and support your idea of family- works for me.
2:13 am | 28 November 2003Josh
Hi Maria. I just wanted to let you know that I thought that your post was very well-written, and I agree with you completely. People put such a negative tone on families that do not have two parents that are of the opposite sex. It seems to me that what used to be the majority is now the minority compared to all the different structures of family we see today. Single-parent families, same-sex parent families, friends raising children, relatives raising children, adoption...they're all families, just some people have a narrow mind of what a family really is. It doesn't matter what type of structure your family is made up of, or how many people are in it. The only thing that really matters is how much you love each other.
1:40 pm | 3 December 2003Katie
I just though i would post to give you a hug